Relationship Anarchy & the Tarot: Abundant Love
From the short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy by Andie Nordgren:
“Love is abundant, and every relationship is unique.
Relationship anarchy questions the idea that love is a limited resource that can only be real if restricted to a couple. You have capacity to love more than one person, and one relationship and the love felt for that person does not diminish love felt for another. Don’t rank and compare people and relationships — cherish the individual and your connection to them. One person in your life does not need to be named primary for the relationship to be real. Each relationship is independent, and a relationship between autonomous individuals.”
Lately, I’m examining my philosophies on love, friendship, and relationship and conversing with new tools and frameworks. It was only recently that I learned about relationship anarchy, yet I’m floored by its resonance with how I’ve been practicing and cultivating relationship for years.
The 3 of Cups is such a beautiful card to receive here. In it, we see an abundance of love. Many versions of this card depict celebrations, circles, a harvest. To me, all of the threes reflect a sense of community and connection. Here, each person brings something unique to the group. Each has their offerings of love.
Here we might see a polycule, a triad, a group of friends, a coven of witches, siblings, co-caregivers, neighbors, community organizers, coworkers, lovers, artists in co-creation, teachers, learners, dance partners.
In the 3 of Cups, we learn that our capacity to love extends beyond one partner, beyond hierarchy.
We come to experience the myriad ways we can love others and our communities. We learn that love is abundant and to be widely shared.
In the 3 of Cups, we cherish each connection, each partner, each role. What a blessing that we live on this earth at once, that we might come to feel something so precious and exhilarating, so loving and true, so unique, with one another.
Love is not a limited resource.
Love is self-sourcing and multitudinous.
Love is different for each partnership, each relationship, each beloved.
May we cherish it, this boundlessness.
Wild Delights: A Tarot Spread for Spring
Card 1: What Awakens.
This position reveals a thrilling theme for spring. What budding delight are you awakening to? What does it smell like? What does it taste like? How can you know when you encounter it? Ask the universe for its sticky sweet signature so you may know when to reach out and taste!
Card 2: What I Create.
Imagine the Queen of Wands in a field of buttery dandelions, eyes closed with her finger on the pulse of the Earth. She radiates the essence of life and regeneration. They are artist, creator, and witch. And so are you: filled with an ecstatic life force that hums in your flesh and ignites your desire. What will you create this season? What wishes to radiate out from that delighted and alive center of you?
Card 3: A Magical Tool or Spell.
Every witch needs their tools: focus, intention, breath, body, love. It’s delightful to work with other materials, too! To lay out a special cloth upon the table, to breathe in the essence of spring violets, to rub a fragrant oil into one’s skin. Let this card hint at a new relationship: with a plant, a tool, an incantation, a magical theme. Let it form the basis of a spring’s spell. Remember, the best materials for our magical work are simple and locally sourced - perhaps even hand-crafted yourself.
Card 4: What Decays.
There can be no life without death, and spring is sweeter when we honor death as a beautiful and inevitable part of life. This card invites you to say goodbye to what has ended as you clear space for what is just beginning to be born. This may be an identity, a relationship, a job. This might be a person or other being whose death and life you wish to honor here at the entrance to spring. How can you honor them?
Cards 5-7: Ways To Make Love.
How is loving energy flowing out of you? How might you fall in love this spring? With whom or what? Let these cards be invitations into making love, being love, and sharing love this season! Let your imagination explore all the ways you’re being called to love and unite with this wild and beautiful world. Let the images on the cards be signs of what’s to come and where to give your wild and loving adoration, reverence, and care.
The World is Wild and So Are We: The Intricacies of Hope & Despair
I'm writing from my crone's cave, otherwise known as my COVID-19 sickbed.
I knew as soon as the symptoms started. The truth is, my body was so run down from the stress of changing jobs and managing the chaos of working in a school in a country with cases as high as they are. It was the perfect time for the virus to find me.
One of the most surprising things about healing from COVID has been the immensely painful emotions that it unearthed. Reflecting on it now, it seems obvious that such a thing would happen. For haven’t indigenous healers and physicians around the world always treated illness with a recognition of its emotional, spiritual, and communal dimensions?
Within me began to boil a deep rage, which led to grief and sorrow and a brief but powerful bout of despair. I pounded my pillows. I took a pen and scribbled into the pages of my notebook until I broke through. What about my rage? I wrote.
What do I do with this rage?
Rage at my employer for not allowing me to rest. Rage at these labor systems and institutions, under which we do not control our own bodies. Rage at the lack of value society places on our wellbeing and recovery. There was so much rage, and so much grief, and I was not sure what to do with it all. I must admit I did not express it very skillfully at first.
Then, I turned to the tarot. It was then that I looked up to the sky and realized the moon was full in Virgo, my natal moon-home. I surrendered, as I have learned to do under the full moon, into softness. I laid out Alexis J. Cunningfolk's full moon tarot spread, as I do each month.
And I felt myself being healed by the spirits of the cards. My grief and anger began to take form that felt both specific and useful (Virgo) and mysterious and compassionate (Pisces). I sat with the Queen of Cups, my beloved oceanic queen. I pulled out my phone and hit “record." And I shared what felt medicinal beyond my own experience, let the words pour out until there were no more words to be shared.
What emerged was a collective reading - messy, raw, honest, imperfect, and earnest.
A few notes about this reading.
First, the audio in this recording isn’t great. It is messy and wild and at times rambling. I understand that it will not be for everyone.
Second, in the recording, I misname Alexis J. Cunningfolk’s Lunar Apothecary, instead referring to her professional brand and equally wonderful website, Worts and Cunning. I highly recommend Alexis’s offerings and have learned so much from them.
Third, at one point, I mention how in the past three years I have realized the need to completely change the way we're living on this planet. Listening back, I am struck by this framing. I’m struck by the magnitude of the shift that has occurred in my perspective in the past several years and by the length of time (years! decades!) that my privilege allowed me to live with a sense of denial of or at least disconnection from the harsh realities of the harm caused by capitalism, racism, and colonialism. Indigenous communities, Black femininsts, and many others have been speaking to these injustices for a very long time. Are we finally listening?
This reading feels appropriate for the liminal, heart-wrenching space between Pisces and Aries season, between the end of one solar year and the beginning of another. Just hours from now, the sun will move into Aries and we will experience another renewal: the Spring Equinox.
Here in this in-between time, let us pause long enough to draw our attention to one intentional, slow, and refreshing breath. Let us be washed clean by our grief and our sorrow and by our wild and untamed love for this gorgeous world, for all that it could be, and for all that it is slowly, perhaps invisibly, becoming and unbecoming.
Happy Equinox! Happy Aries Season!
Forest Ferns: a Virgo Lunation Offering
Hello, wanderers.
I'm pleased to share an offering with you, an audio update and collective reading for the Virgo lunation, which began on September 7th here in Korea. The moon will move through its rhythmic 28-day cycle through the zodiac signs until October 6th, when it will give way again to dark and start anew. And so it goes, every 28 days. Beginning and waxing anew, ripening into full, and waning back to dark.
Just as the moon waxes and wanes and the earth dances annually from life to decay to rebirth, so too do we each have our own rhythms, our own "inner seasons." So too do we move from winter to spring, from summer to fall. I'm writing this letter from my own inner spring filled at this moment with bursts of flowers both gorgeous and fleeting. Soon this creative energy will peak and ripen, then wane and retreat and I will sink down into my own soil to germinate new seeds. But for now, I am flowering.
And so it was that under the Scorpio moon, I sat at my messy dining room table scattered with tarot decks, art supplies, and books and recorded a meandering and ecstatic transmission of devotion and love for the Virgo lunation.
In this audio recording, I wander first through the lessons I learned along the moon’s 28-day journey that began (August 8th) in the sign of Leo. I describe the powerful energetic and worldview shifts I experienced at the full moon in Aquarius (August 22nd). This portion of the offering is deeply personal and I feel soft and a little vulnerable sharing it. May it touch some equally tender place in your heart.
I move from self-reflection and praise for the Leo moon to the rainbow bridge that runs between the radiant self-celebration of Leo and the devotional and deeply erotic Virgo moon cycle (September 7th - October 6th).
The Fern Forest
This cycle, our mythic guide is The Fern Forest from the Sacred Hags Oracle by Danielle Dulsky. The keyword associated with this card is “fractals.” Dulsky writes:
“A single fern holds so many lessons for us. Each leaf is a fractal, its leaflets mirroring the larger whole, and so, too, are we single breathing bodies within a much larger collective. We are pulsing cells within the one global heart.”
This theme is not new and I’m sure many of you have considered it before. adrienne maree brown (amb) writes beautifully of fractals in her pivotal book, Emergent Strategy.
This cycle, we are reminded of our location in the pattern. Of how intricately and beautifully connected we are. We are called to remember how our actions, our exchanges, and our choices reverberate outward into the collective.
Our lives are interwoven and interdependent, each of us a perfect expression of the whole.
Coryna of Good Spirits Astrology recently shared a gorgeous post on Dike, the Greek goddess of justice associated with the constellation of Virgo. This post was a major source of inspiration for my collective reading. It highlights how the discerning energy of Virgo can call us to examine the standards we set for ourselves. Coryna writes, “When high standards don’t come to define our self worth or our lack of it, they are a sign of self-love and self-respect.”
Discernment has moral and ethical dimensions that play out in our daily lives and if we believe we can “practice the world as we wish to see it” (amb), we must hold ourselves to standards which feed these visions.
Our choices matter. Our actions, however small, reverberate. Virgo asks us to consider our patterns, our choices, our contributions and to discern that which is in service to our collective liberation and that which isn’t - then shift accordingly. And when we shift, the entire forest shifts. When we act in service to our values, then we are weaving our values into the fabric of our world.
In this reading, I weave a conversation around the themes of belonging, reverence, and justice. If we truly live with an acknowledgement of our interconnectedness, then mustn’t we be compelled to care? If we are a part of the whole, caring for the whole is caring for ourselves, and vice versa.
Our guides for this journey are: 7 of Cups, 8 of Pentacles, 7 of Pentacles, 4 of Wands, and Justice.
Listen to my reading below:
Daily Tarot/Journal Prompts
May these questions guide you as we ride this lunation together with reverence and care. In this list, I move fluidly between “I” and “we” in acknowledgement of our interconnectedness, of our fern/forest natures.
What devotional path am I walking?
What is calling for our love and reverence right now?
What is generative and abundant in my life? How am I gathering, preparing, and preserving it?
How am I creating the artistic masterpiece of my life? What are the materials?
How might I dose myself with pleasures small and large in this moment of destruction, change, and transition?
What patterns am I setting with devotion and reverence that reverberate out in a transformative and caring way?
How are our lives acts of service?
How am I “practicing the world I wish to see in the current landscape?”*
How are we already living our purpose?
How am I am a gift worth celebrating?
How might I live today on purpose?*
What is astonishing about my life/our lives at this moment?
What are the current love affairs of my life? What is being exchanged in these acts of love?
How are we dancing with joy and grief?
What am I devoted to?
How am I transforming in order to transform the world?
A desire guiding me towards my highest standards is…
How might we weave rituals of reverence and protection into our daily routines and patterns?
How am I using my resources? Is this in alignment with my values and standards around justice and equity?
Who is our “circle of beloveds”* and how might we dip into the messy nectar of union, joy, togetherness, pleasure, celebration, and love with them this cycle?
*thank you, amb, for the constant inspiration and wisdom, which is weaved throughout this reading.
Creating an Artifact
If you wish to share an artifact (painting, drawing, song, etc) or words of reflection in response to this reading, please reach out. I would love to witness you. If you use the questions above in your daily tarot or journaling practice and wish to share on social, feel free to tag me (@mallorydowd) so I and others can read them.
Works & Resources Cited
This offering was guided and informed by so many wise and generous artists, teachers, and creators, whom I (in very Virgo fashion) have cited thoroughly below. Citing our sources is also an act of justice and devotion. I hope these teachers will be sources of power and pleasure for you, as they have been for me:
The Sacred Hags oracle deck
Herbal Rituals by Judith Berger
Alexis J. Cunningfolk’s Lunar Apothecary
Caroline Casey (Visionary Activist Astrology)
Audre Lorde, The Erotic as Power
adrienne maree brown - The Darwin Variant, and/or Love of the Fittest & her beautiful books, Emergent Strategy & Pleasure Activism
Grace Lee Boggs
Mary Oliver
bell hooks - All About Love
Celeste Kriel, transformation doula & mystic watery goddess
Coryna of Good Spirits Astrology and their recent contemplation on the myth of Dike, Greek goddess of justice associated with the constellation of Virgo.
The Wild Unknown tarot
T Susan Chang on the 4 of Wands - this is a beautiful post about the 4 of Wands and Venus throwing a wild party in “the day house of Mars.” I really don’t get into it with much detail or nuance in the recording, and Susan’s thoughts here are enjoyable and worthwhile. Check it out!
Ari Felix - I’m so grateful to Ari for their new Patreon page full of gorgeous gifts of love and wisdom, and for all that they’ve shared recently about relationship anarchy and pleasure practices. This offering was wildly influenced by their generous wisdom.
Hayley Shannon, to whom I’m grateful for introducing me to the practice of creating therapeutic artifacts.
Outro song: “Slainte” by Michele McLaughlin
And for your pleasure in the process of connecting with sweet Virgo, may I recommend this gorgeous playlist curated by my very Scorpionic friend and radical astrologer, Mariola Rosario? I know you’ll love it. Mariola recommends listening to it in order.
Virgo Lunation Blessing:
This lunation, may we embrace radical change and clear space so that we might move with clarity of purpose, with higher standards for ourselves and others. May we know that it is both worthy and necessary to believe that we can be better for the sake of the survival and thriving of this gorgeous, perfect world.
May we seed our lives with purpose. May we show up on purpose. May we worship our desires and call in reverence and high standards in alignment with our dreams and desires for this perfect world and its healing. May we make a beautiful ritual practice of the daily work of our lives. May we gather what is ours to gather, may we receive and give in the way that we are able, and sow the seeds for future harvests and celebrations.
May we find the time, energy, space, and relationship this cycle in which to dance, laugh, and feel how we are a current in the wind that travels this whole beautiful perfect earth. May we come together in joyful, erotic union with those in our lives. May we love it, and may we feel fully how we are a fern in the forest, always connected and always in deep and loving relationship with everything.
And so it is.